ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
