My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
