Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
