in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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