When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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