Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
