My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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