At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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