"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to sanitize my soul.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
