he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize