i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
