Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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