I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
