what day is it and did you see me today?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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