butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
