as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
