Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
