i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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