i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
