And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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