Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
