So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
