Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
