Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize