peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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