Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
