dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
