i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
