woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
