My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize