He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
