you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize