this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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