I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
