Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
