too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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