i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
