Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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