so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so let's talk penis.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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