Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
