it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
