ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
