winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
