____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
