Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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