ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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