They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
