erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
