I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
