so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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