Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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