didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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