Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
