I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i think i just lost a toe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
