He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can I color on your dick again?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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