Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
