Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
