are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm really busy with my period
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