i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
