You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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