I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize