If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
That's when you crack a 10am beer
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
should my penis look like a turkey
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
