...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
