someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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