I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
