if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
this hospital has no fireball
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
