there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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