I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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