the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
