Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
