I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
