Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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