I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
