Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
