I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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