I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
