Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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