Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
