the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
