how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize