So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just tell him i said nine months
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
