She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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