life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
