I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Houston, we have a blender
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
