You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
