just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize