In the future we'll all be gay
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
