Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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