still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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