Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
