Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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