Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
