Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
