That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
